Processing. Connecting the Dots. Breaking the Cycle. Memories at a Time.
I’m learning to pay more attention to what triggers me, no matter how small it may seem at that moment. Somewhere in there is a pattern. A hint to why I feel the way I feel today. By connecting and understanding the dots, I can free myself from the past. Move on with my life.
June 13, 2017 – I had an ah-ha moment today. Dehumanizing. He had been dehumanizing me ever since I filed for divorce a few years ago. Not once have I seen or heard him use my name. Not in texts or emails or even in court. When he attacks me, he justifies his behavior on grounds of morality, shaming me.
Smear campaign. He attacks me in verbally, social media, text and emails even now. Even to our children.
Thinking: Memories of… ex boyfriend dehumanized me. Treated me like a dog, subservient to him. Demanding. Blind obedience.
Feeling: Confused… humiliated… shame.
Believing: I must have done something to deserve to be treated this way.
Age I feel when it first happened: young… teenager.
Recovered Self: It is not okay to be treated this way. Respect. We deserve to be respected and treated as human beings.
Need: to feel safe, validated.